Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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