That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
