I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we still banned from the library?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
