We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
