My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
