Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
