No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
