If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
