haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
