Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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