if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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