I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
