i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
