doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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