I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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