Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
