we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize