plz talk dirty to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
