college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
