Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
