i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how do flat chested girls get laid?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
