could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
