I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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