his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
