i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
