i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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