i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize