Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
