I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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