new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize