I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i now understand why vodka
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
