Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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