Pass out mid-funnel last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
