You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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