so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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