She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
