I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize