so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize