Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
