Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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