You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
