you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
