But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
