i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
