Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize