oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
