Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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