Acid is not a monday night drug
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
