Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
