I could have mohawked her pubes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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