if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
