went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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