Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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