Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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