So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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