Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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