No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
