The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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