My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
