I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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