Im at strip club and am horny
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
