Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
