Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
