last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
