Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
