yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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