You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
