so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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