just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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