God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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