and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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