I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
