somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
