Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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