I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
