We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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