I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
