I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize