break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
