U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
