You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
