Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
