Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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