Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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