There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
