So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize