My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
