I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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