So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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