Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
