Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
