i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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