i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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