Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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