And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Even my vagina gasped.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm like, not good at living.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
